What Are Nonverbals: A Quick Guide

Written by: Ashley Fern

Nonverbal communication is the transmission of messages or signals through a nonverbal platform such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, posture, and body language. It includes the use of social cues, kinesics, distance and physical environments/appearance, of voice and of touch. - Wikipedia

In the modern day classroom, we no longer study subjects purely related to our majors. Occasionally, there are interesting subjects or topics covering interpersonal relationships, even for courses outside of social sciences. But when I was taught to read nonverbals time and again, it felt woefully insubstantial.

The nonverbal cues were categorised in such a simplified manner that it simply could not be true. We were taught, "If they appear (...), then they are feeling (...)". But the truth is, people don't simply "exhibit angry/happy/sad nonverbals". We are constantly shifting between emotional states, and more often than not it is a blend of differing emotions.

And so the truth about studying nonverbals is that it is actually a lot more complex, but based off of a far simpler concept.

Joe Navarro's "Comfort-Discomfort Paradigm"

According to the former FBI agent, the "Comfort-Discomfort Paradigm" he created is a tried and true method of assessing people quickly and accurately - something which is imperative in his line of work.

In principle, regardless of the emotion the person is feeling, his or her nonverbals can be categorised into either comfort or discomfort. Subsequently, the causes or emotions attached to their comfort/discomfort are deduced based on the context of the situation.

First, let's dive into the more obvious signs of comfort and discomfort.

Signs of Comfort

While there are numerous signs to look out for, here are the few that he has spoken about that are easily recognisable.

"Gravity Defying Behaviours"

When people are happy, everything literally goes up!

An example would be lips curling upwards in a smile, the universal thumbs-up, sometimes even raising arms up in exuberance. Think about how athletes react when they cross the finish line first - clear signs of joy and excitement, which falls under "comfort".

Sometimes, after a good stretch - you might find your toes curling upwards too!

These nonverbal cues are important especially in discussions or negotiations, where parties are looking to find the middle ground. If you notice their thumbs pointing upwards, there's a good chance they're happy with what you're suggesting or what they're reading - regardless of whether or not they're still trying to drive the discussion to their favour.

"Happy Feet"

Generally, when you see someone jiggling their feet or even the entire leg, they're usually in a good mood, even if they have an absolute poker face on.

However, it's crucial to have a baseline to compare against for most nonverbals, especially this one; that is, to know if the person is jittery by nature or not.

"Loose Posture"

When muscles are tensed, it is a clear sign of discomfort - whether from stress or anger. Conversely, relaxed muscles are a sign of comfort. This includes not just the body, but facial muscles as well.

Relaxed facial muscles mean there are no forehead creases, furrowed brows, pursed lips, or squinting.

Relaxed body muscles usually shows in how loosely a person's limbs are held against their body. If someone hugs their arms, keeps their knees together, hunches over themselves, shoulders tensed tightly together - it is a clear sign of discomfort.

People tend to "spread out" when they are relaxed; think snow angels and your favourite couch!

Signs of Discomfort

Some of our subtle daily actions go unnoticed, but may actually be signs of discomfort. Let's take a look at a couple of them.

"Pacifying Behaviours"

Often, people subconsciously smooth their hair down, rub their arms or even legs, and think nothing of it. Yet, it is precisely because these actions are involuntary that they are so powerful once you are able to read into them.

When people smooth their hair down, it could be a sign of anxiety, and it is their body's subconscious effort to calm themselves down. It works in the same way one would rub the head of a child who is nervous or otherwise upset; it instinctively provides a feeling of comfort.

Further, people may rub our arms or legs when they're feeling discomfort. But reasons for it may vary; it could simply be the external environment that may be too cold, rather than it being conclusively because they're nervous.

Lastly, when someone touches their neck or collarbone - it is almost a sure sign of discomfort. It is in our instincts to protect the most vulnerable parts of our bodies when we feel threatened, and that includes our neck. Hence, when someone touches or rubs their neck or collarbone, it is a sign that they subconsciously feel threatened.

"Ventilating"

Have you ever seen a woman quickly flip her hair outwards from the base of her neck? That is a form of "ventilating", and is usually done when a person with long hair feels warm. In a person with short hair, you may see them running their fingers through their hair, which ventilates their scalp.

Taking off one's hat, or subconsciously pulling at a shirt collar or tie are also "ventilating" actions.

Whether it is because the environment is warm, or that they are feeling distressed, ventilating is a clear sign of discomfort. In fact, some people may feel warm when they get nervous or upset, thereby enhancing the fact that our reactions are not just psychologically but also physiologically driven.

Being alert to these cues may help you spot when things "get heated" in a meeting room, and step in to diffuse the tension before it escalates into a severe argument.

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