How To Be Charismatic: Another Nonverbal Guide

Written by: Ashley Fern

Anyone can be charismatic; and you don't have to turn your personality inside-out to do so. To the fellow introverts out there: you don't have to be loud to be heard.

I'm an introvert, and I have a nervous constitution. In other words, I'm prone to anxiety and I'm not always comfortable socialising. But time and again, people (of differing seniority) do tell me I am confident and charismatic - especially in person. Some say I am outspoken - when I don't actually talk a lot. I'd say, it's really the use of nonverbals that changes the game, not personal attributes.

So here are some nonverbal tips I've tried as tested throughout the years, which would help whether you're an extrovert or an introvert. All it really takes is mindfulness and observation when you are in social situations - and less to do with your sociability.

#1: Posture & Positioning

Stand straight, chin up, shoulders back and feet apart at shoulder width.

#1.1: Posture

If you've gone through marching or army straining, these would sound familiar to you. Maternal and paternal figures may also have told you to improve posture so as to look "smart, confident and professional". It gives off nonverbal cues of being comfortable and in control - undeniable aspects of charisma.

The science of it is simple: when you stand or sit straight, you occupy more space than when slouching, but not so much that you appear sloppy. Hunching over yourself is a "protective" nonverbal cue, displaying insecurity and need for comfort. Conversely, taking up too much space sends nonverbal signals that you are too comfortable, and could come off as cocky, uncultured or inconsiderate.

#1.2: Positioning

Everyone's "comfort bubble" has different boundaries - be careful not to cross them.

Charismatic people tend to be comfortable to be around. One way to ensure you don't make people uncomfortable, is to avoid encroaching in on their personal space. A simple way to test that is to take a step or two forward or backward, then pay attention to their movements. Take note of the distance they keep between you and them, and make sure you don't invade that "bubble".

Interestingly, the boundaries of the "comfort bubble" tends to differ based on who they speak to - and that's also how you may find out how comfortable they are with you compared to others.

Another aspect to positioning, is the direction in which you face others. Try to face people at an angle, and not directly in front of them. Generally, "fronting" would be taken as a confrontational cue to anyone, though this is especially true for females, who are classically more perceptive to nonverbal cues.

#2: Mirroring

Birds of a feather tend to flock together, no?

Another simple method to put another person at ease is to mirror their body language. There are several aspects to observe:

• their postures (the way they arrange their limbs),

• their voice (tone and volume),

• their words (try to match their pace and vocabulary) and

• any other gestures they tend to make.

This will help you seem more approachable and relatable.

#3: Maintain Appropriate Eye Contact

Eyes are the windows to another's soul - and you want to make that connection genuine.

People want to be seen and heard - and a charismatic leader ensures that others get their chances to shine, too. One way to show that you're giving them undivided attention, is to maintain eye contact.

However, be sure not to stare them down! Too much eye contact would result in mixed signals, and depending on the circumstances, can appear intimidating, confrontational, flirtatious or just awkward. Eye contact for about 60-70% of the time would be optimal.

#4: Gestures & Touch

The showing of palms evokes trust in others.

This is why gestures are often used by charismatic public speakers, and why the "hello" hand wave seems so welcoming no matter which part of the world you're from.

The use of gestures puts others' subconsciousness at ease, as our instincts (which are always wary of dangers) will recognise that there is literally no threat at hand.

Sometimes, all that's missing is that "human touch".

Occasionally, using touch to emphasise your words would also increase your charisma. Depending on the culture, the extent to which you can apply this varies. For example, Asian cultures tend to be more reserved, and would frown upon excessive physical contact. Light touches or a pat on the back are generally acceptable worldwide, though. Nonetheless, it would be wiser to err on the side of caution and use this tip sparingly.

#5: Encourage Others to Speak

Last but not least...

True leaders speak last, as Simon Sinek famously said.

Not only does it ensure that others feel heard and that they have contributed to the conversation, it also gives you the opportunity to hear what everyone else thinks first. This would allow you to make wiser, more mature statements. As a bonus, people are usually more receptive to comments once they have spoken and felt listened to.

Speak when it matters most, and carry yourself well. It would surely leave a strong impression on your part!

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